What to Do After Your Spouse Gets a DUI: Steps for Holiday Support and Healing

A compassionate guide to help you navigate holiday drinking challenges, protect your relationship, and support your partner’s accountability without losing yourself.

The holidays are usually a time for comfort, routine, and familiar traditions. But when your partner is arrested for drunk driving, that sense of stability can disappear, leaving everything feeling upside down.

This guide is for you, the partner standing in the fallout, wondering how to move forward without losing your sanity. We'll walk through the risk factors that make holiday drinking harder to manage, ways to protect yourself and your relationship, and steps to help your spouse take accountability without creating resentment. 

This informational blog is not to be used as legal advice. Always consult a qualified DUI attorney to assist with any drunk driving charge. If you have immediate questions about a DUI, call a DUI.org specialist at (877) 246-7808.

Do People Drink More During the Holidays?

Yes. Hard data support this seasonal increase, and the consequences are serious.

Holiday DUI Statistics

According to the CDC, more than 13,000 people die each year due to alcohol-impaired accidents. A significant portion of those fatalities occur during the holidays. Between Christmas and New Year’s, impaired driving increases by over 40% in some states. Data from Traffic Safety Marketing show the last two weeks of December consistently see some of the highest DUI arrest rates of the year.

Holiday Parties and Social Pressure

The holiday season brings a mix of traditions and expectations, many of which center around alcohol. Office parties, open bars, family events, and the “just one drink” mentality can turn into serious risks, especially for someone who is actively trying to remain accountable for their alcohol use.

There’s often subtle pressure to relax and celebrate, even if it means ignoring personal limits. And if your partner has already been arrested for impaired driving, that pressure can be difficult to manage without a plan.

Does Depression During Winter Affect Drinking?

Yes. For many, this winter or holiday season brings isolation, grief, or financial stress. Shorter days, colder weather, and social withdrawal may increase the emotional burden. 

If your spouse gets a DUI, it's important for you to know that post-DUI depression is real and common. If your partner feels guilt or shame about their arrest, those feelings can intensify around the holidays. 

How a DUI Can Affect a Spouse

Even if you weren’t the one arrested, your spouse’s DUI can impact nearly every part of your life.

Financial Burden

The legal fees, court costs, increased insurance, and the possible cost of installing an ignition interlock device (IID) add up fast. If you share finances, that burden becomes yours too. The financial burden falls upon the whole household, not just the driver.

Increased Stress

You may have to drive more, field calls from attorneys, or explain the situation to family members. In many cases, the spouse becomes the default problem-solver. That constant emotional labor (on top of obligations and expectations brought by the holiday) can wear anyone down.

Potential for Abuse

This is important: not all DUI cases lead to domestic abuse, but if alcohol misuse was already present, a DUI can heighten tensions in the home. If your partner reacts with anger, withdrawal, or blames you, it’s worth reaching out to a counselor or support group. Protecting your well-being matters.

Why Family Support Matters During the Holidays

Your support doesn’t mean you need to fix everything, but it can make it easier for your partner to make better choices. Here are some reasons why your support matters:

Habits are Disrupted

People rely on routines to stay grounded, especially when recovering from a major mistake. But the holidays disrupt those patterns. Changes in their work schedule, increased travel, and an unpredictable social calendar can all trigger relapses in destructive behavior.

Temptation is Everywhere

It’s harder to make safe choices when alcohol is always front and center. A spouse trying to stay sober may feel like the odd one out, or worse, pressured to “prove” they’re fine now. Having your support (someone who understands what's at stake) makes those decisions a lot easier.

Family Gatherings Can Trigger Unwanted Feelings

Judgment from in-laws. Awkward conversations. Questions from the kids. Family gatherings often stir up past issues you'd rather forget. For a spouse already feeling ashamed or defensive, these environments can become emotionally overwhelming and increase the risk of impulsive behavior.

How to Help Your Partner Manage Holiday Drinking (Even When You’re Angry)

Even if you’re still processing your emotions, having a clear plan can be helpful. Here are some steps you can take to reduce risks and prevent things from spiraling out of control at holiday events.

1. Identify Pain Points

Think about, or discuss with your partner, what tends to make them want to drink irresponsibly. Is it certain friends, a particular event, financial stress, or feeling judged by family? Talk about those triggers together ahead of time so you’re not caught off guard by them in the moment.

It’s okay to feel angry or resentful. But channeling that into setting clear boundaries will do more than placing blame or arguing. Supporting your partner doesn’t mean ignoring your feelings; it means being honest and strategic.

2. Make a Plan for Various Activities

Holiday Parties

• Agree on expectations in advance.
• Choose whether to attend together or skip it entirely.
• Bring your drinks or suggest alcohol-free options.

Family Gatherings

• Limit the length of the visit.
• Have a pre-agreed signal if either of you wants to leave.
• Prepare answers to difficult questions from family members.

Seasonal Work Events

• Encourage staying for part, not all, of the event.
• Create a quick exit plan if things start to feel overwhelming.
• Offer to pick your partner up or be nearby if needed.

3. Plan for How You’ll Get to and From Events

• Identify a Designated Driver: If you’re both attending, plan who will stay sober. If not, line up someone you trust ahead of time.
• Use Alternative Transport: Using public transit, a rideshare app, or a holiday shuttle can eliminate the need for driving altogether. When there’s no option to get behind the wheel, it’s easier to make safer choices.

Additional Tips to Help Your Partner

These small decisions can give your partner the tools and confidence they need to avoid another DUI.

Stocking Non-Alcoholic Holiday Drinks

Ensure your home (and any event you host) offers appealing, festive non-alcoholic options. Seasonal mocktails can go a long way toward helping someone feel included instead of deprived.

Get a Personal Breathalyzer

Tools like Keepr can give your partner more control and awareness. It’s an affordable way to check sobriety before driving, without judgment.

Consider a Voluntary IID

A voluntary ignition interlock device (IID) can add accountability, even if the court does not require it. It can also ease your anxiety if you're unsure your partner is driving sober. If you’re hesitant to suggest it, this guide offers helpful tips for starting the conversation.

Help Your Spouse Manage Their DUI After the Holidays

No one wants to spend the holidays walking on eggshells or bracing for the next mistake. If your partner has been charged with a DUI, this season doesn’t have to turn into a repeat disaster. Start with small but meaningful actions: make plans, set boundaries, offer support, and don’t be afraid to seek outside help.

Don’t wait until something happens. Create a plan with your partner now, one that includes a personal breathalyzer, such as Keepr, and a voluntary IID if necessary. When you remove the uncertainty, you both get a chance at healing and moving forward.

FAQs About Holiday DUIs